“Emotions are not thought about. Emotions are experienced. Emotions are felt. Emotions are sensed. Emotions are integrated into our consciousness through feeling the sensations in our body.”

I would also like to add to this list a *key* piece…emotions are *expressed through the body via bodily movement, sound or tears*. It is the allowing of our triggered emotions to *make sound* that causes the vibration that evolves the emotions from their current state. When the emotions are expressed, they vibrate, and when they vibrate, they evolve, and as they evolve, they *release the buried treasure of understanding* so the light of our spirit may shine on them and understand what the root cause of the emotion is (often different than the surface trigger that stirred the emotion to life). This is a synergistic experience of mind and emotions where, once expression has occurred, healing happens.

Many of us have become willing to notice, acknowledge and feel fear in our bodies, seeking to find root cause, but have not fully found evolution in the fear responses they normally have to the same stimuli over and over. This is because this last key piece is not being allowed or is not known about as the key piece.

There are root judgments not only about what is feared but about daring to actually express the fear in pure wordless sound (shrieks, keens, yelps, barks, crying out…these are some examples) or tears or bodily shaking, quaking, chattering, kriya jerking, or however. A root judgment we all share is “If I dare allow this fear/terror to express through my body, I will go crazy/never survive it/create more of it/become dysfunctional”. This fear and judgment of our own emotion of fear (”there is nothing to fear but fear itself” is a piece of bullshit that needs to be dismantled) is barely even noticed anymore unless one gets close to considering releasing/expressing it in the sound and movement it would naturally like to make. And of course we need to find safe space in which to express…that is a given.

Judgments of our fear and judgments of what is feared can be formally and verbally released, out loud. This is very effective in removing the “denial stopper corks” from our bottled up energy in the form of fear (which by the way can, over time and deeds once safe expression becomes the norm, evolve into trust and love once expressed and *fully* understood for its cause, thus ending the whole tempest in a teapot issue of “fear versus love” once and for all). “I release the judgment that if I give into my fear, it will never end. I release the judgment that if I express my fear in sound I will become crazy, I release the judgment that expressing fear through my body is just plain wrong.” These are some examples of widely held consensus beliefs about fear that can be released verbally out loud in formal statements just as I have described. The out-loud release undoes the black magic spells in our minds that we have woven with our judgments of fear that we have stated in the past. There are many more.

I have discovered that we can’t just accept and notice our fear or any emotion with our minds/awareness or feeling bodies. I have discovered we must take the additional step to express any triggered emotion to truly evolve them to the point where they can teach us all we need to know about how to heal, survive and live well, and change their outpictured reality on the mass scale.

That big reality out there is a scary picture that feels overwhelming if we really feel it…and we can each do something about it to change it. (most of us hold judgments that we can’t have any effect on the large scale picture out there). We can feel and EXPRESS what we feel about it all. It *can, does, and will help* the more of us who can dare to bring these emotions back inside ourselves through full acceptance of our emotional natures, which can be done by allowing ourselves to express emotions whenever triggered, starting now. It is the nature of emotions to express…and we were never taught that growing up, most of us. We were taught the opposite in many overt and subtle ways…to hold them in. And so, we have this large outpicturing of this state of denial before us on the world stage.

During my first year after moving to B.C. a friend who is a kinesiologist and a psychic gave me my first and only psychic reading. During the reading she spent a long time talking about the intense psychic family contract that I have been bound by at a subconscious level. Such family contracts are not uncommon, and can be incredibly powerful and binding.

The theme of The Contract varies, but all families have them to one extent or another. Also referred to as “unwritten rules”, these contracts vary in strength and enforcement depending on the family. My family’s is quite rigid, strictly enforced, with consequences for those who dare attempt to break it!

Some families are comprised of powerful and talented individuals with huge potential, both realized and latent, but unfortunately that power is often tied up in or bled off by strictured, structured energies that do not allow the co-existence of free choice and a flow of love without strings attached. Much love, personal power and latent greatness is tied up in The Contract itself instead of being manifest in the lives of individuals within the family.

Everybody in a family can feel or describe the presence of The Contract if they tune into it. The individuals within families are obviously all very closely connected psychically as well as physically / genetically, whether there is conscious awareness and acknowledgment of it or not.

Roles in families are played out, unconsciously but inexorably perpetuating The Contract. Some examples of tenets within family contracts are: an unspoken agreement among members of the family to study and work hard, get ahead by finding and keeping an upwardly mobile but traditional job in a company or similar hierarchical organization, save for retirement, become as wealthy as possible, turn the bulk of energy and attention back into the family, sacrifice any personal dreams while having kids who, although allowed to have fun and playtime growing up, must never break the family mold once they become of age, including paying back the family for the sacrifices the family made for them. Self-sacrifice is a hallmark of the classic family contract. Many family contracts call for the current parenting generation to sacrifice for the next generation.

There is usually an “executor” member of the family, a patriarch or matriarch, who models the tenets of The Contract while enforcing their necessity with a heavy hand upon others, either children or siblings. To balance the executor there must be one or more “black sheep” across the generations, the rebel, the iconoclast who attempts to break free of The Contract.

Within the family contract paradigm there are also “law-abiders” who don’t necessarily prosper under or enjoy the rules, but believe they have no choice. The law abiders stay within the bounds of The Contract and make the best of them. Often in this subgroup there is significant unprocessed rage and hurt about their own childhood interaction with and shutdown at the hands of their own version of the family contract. The Contract is subjective to some degree and does morph and shift through and among the generations, as each new family branch gets brought into the psychic mix through marriage or other conjugal arrangement. In order to prevent that old emotion being stirred too close to the surface, the law abiders participate in backing the executor in enforcing the shutdown energy inherent in The Contract, outwardly mirroring the inner shutdown of the individuals involved.

There could also be a fourth subgroup, former “bad kids” who make a few inroads toward breaking The Contract. After some setbacks and consequences directly or indirectly meted out by the executor or law abiders, the “bad kids” fall eventually back into line, neither supporting outright rebellion nor adherence. In some cases this group will deny the existence of The Contract.

The success or failure of the rebel is in direct proportion to the amount of personal power she has relative to the family and the executor. Depending on the executor’s relationship with the rebel and each’s ability to shift and change, at some point the executor must ask himself which is more important, The Contract and its unwritten rules and codes of behaviour or the free will of the rebel and his love for the rebel.

On the other end of the polarity, the rebel must ask herself a similar question: which is more important, my free will or my love for the family? She must be willing to risk this love in order to remain true to herself and her heart’s desire which allows her to break free of the bounds of The Contract.

The Contract needs to be acknowledged, experienced and felt, and finally seen for what it is in order for evolution to occur at all levels of family, such as spiritual families, blood, emotional, and ethnic families and so on. Loving family bonds were never intended to become rules of enforced behavior that hinder a given individual’s free will to choose and act according to how that individual sees fit, with loss of love the price to pay for being true to oneself. A free will action ideally harms none while giving safe triggers. If the rebel makes a free will choice that challenges her family contract, growth and evolution, possibly including some form of death is inevitable.

Most executors have not evolved, for better or for worse, and have gotten stuck in frozen images of “what’s right”. Nobody is unbeholden to their own family contract, whether internal or externally evident. It’s not everyone’s path to rip up The Contract, and there will be a place for “law abiders” in families unless and until a more healed version of this picture emerges.

As rebels break away from The Contract, some executors attempt to artificially create a balance by cutting the rebel out of their heart. When conscious healing has not been involved, the consequence of breaking the family contract has always been, at the very least, a loss of love and estrangement of the rebel from the family. That loss is felt on many sides depending on how many members were intrinsically involved in enforcement or disobedience. The rebel and the executor are sure to be involved in this agreggate love loss.

Law abiders in a family, if they are in contact with the rebel, will often tell her that the executor loves her deep down. Yet that love is no longer accessible to his conscious self. It is denied love, which could be called hate. When the love for his seeming polar opposite within the family is no longer accessible to the executor’s or rebel’s conscious heart and mind, it can indeed morph into hatred. Those executors and rebels who have not deeply explored their emotions on the subject have “gapped away” from the original love for the other that once existed.

When the executor of the family contract excises the rebel from his heart for breaking The Contract, or when the rebel in turn excises the executor, they literally shove the love out of themselves. The love may exist, but out in the dark somewhere, unacknowledged, unowned and unfelt.

A successful rebel voids all contracts, psychic and unspoken, both family and societal ones that enforce compliance or remove love or privileges, and draws in a new family, one that accepts her for who she is and acknowledges her as an evolving, changing being. To get to this point and not recreate the original family scenario complete with acrimony and loss of love, she must feel the feelings and release the judgments that caused her to become originally ensnared in a contract which bound her freedom so tightly.

According to The Contract, the rebel needs to pay back to the executor and/or the family the time and energy that was originally sacrificed “for the children”. When the rebel reneges on her side of that dark, unspoken bargain, the consequences kick in. This pattern continues until The Contract is completely expunged from the rebel’s life. This is done through exploring the depths of the old feelings and releasing the old charge all the way to the bottom of the psyche, to the point where the earliest familial imprints and judgments of how reality is supposed to be at home are changed not only consciously but subconsciously. You will know when subconscious transformation has occurred in this area only when enough time passes in the new family and evolution and joy are on a steady, upward track with no major reversals and loss of love and trust.

Along the way to this full healing, the former rebel can re-establish herself in a new and improved family situation that in some fundamental way “replaces” the original family, unless the original family is also moved to stop following The Contract.

Sometimes our rebel will feel the pull of The Contract, saying “come along now, you must do what’s right”. It can manifest as a feeling of hopelessness and inner powerlessness to resist, sometimes with overwhelming guilt. These feelings have the power to colour her whole day with shades of torpor and dullness, lack of desire to live…”what’s the use”, etc.

Core judgments swim up to the surface of the rebel’s consciousness, and as she releases them, she can feel energetic forms like spiky eggshells cracking off, and pockets of old emotional charge rising to the surface beneath them which she can then vibrate by allowing the sounds they want to make.

There is hell to pay for reneging on The Contract, and the rebel must heal the parts of herself still beholden to that hell. As she processes old feelings and faces her original judgments about how family life just ‘is’, she is in effect ripping and re-ripping up The Contract until it loses the power to control her actions or her life.

In the climactic scene of that “Lost In Space” episode, the barterer from hell shows up to claim his side of the bargain. He holds up The Contract facing Dr. Smith, the hand imprint glowing, and as Smith walks helplessly with his arm and hand outstretched towards the image of his hand imprinted in that contract, John Robinson, our hero, appears on the scene. He blasts The Contract into space dust right out of the trader’s hand with his trusty laser.

Would that it were so easy outside the realms of fiction! Our laser has to take the form of releasing judgments aloud, feeling the feelings that come up when we release those judgments. This allows understanding to seep in and old rejected parts of self to return and fill us in the places where the darkness of ignorance and self-denial had been.

On the macrocosmic level, oppressive governments reflect the unmoving rage inherent in The Contract. It appears to be happening today in the United States, Britain, in Iraq, in Saudi Arabia, in Israel and Palestine, and everywhere that there is unrest, a civil rights cutback or civil disobedience. Massive societal change could be precipitated by an overt rendering and popular acknowledgment of the hidden “human family” contract.

Life, and Creation, is holographic. From within the dimension of time and its sequential nature, we humans act out Father’s and Mother’s and Child’s ancient, time before time patterns, until they heal in everybody.

We in our families act out the pattern of Our First Parents, as it has passed down the Family Tree to us. The executor of The Contract is the force of that denied rage, playing the role of the entrenched, angry, wrathful First Testament God that must be appeased, or destruction of everything might just happen. All must live according to His rules and mandates and woe to them that stir the mighty wrath of God by “breaking the law”. So goes The Family Contract, an energy certainly felt by the sensitive.

When I first contacted my rage it was pointed out to me that I was smiling as I spoke angrily. Smiling! We have all been taught from early childhood to channel or mask rage in ways it doesn’t naturally want to, in order to toe the denial line.

What broke me open into a more pure expression was when I got into the woods, deep enough where I felt safe that I wouldn’t be heard. I started to let my triggered rage move through my body by taking fallen limbs and swinging them like baseball bats against dead trees. Eventually I contacted primal desire to express sound by doing this. In the woods I also let myself jump up and down and stamp around, and that also helped me contact my sound, swinging my arms sharply up and down. In other words, I let myself “throw a tantrum” to use the terminology our elders used disparagingly growing up.

Nowadays I realize that “throwing tantrums” is a marvelous way of expressing primal rage. Body will communicate quite clearly how it really wants to express, if we let it. Any forceful, yang, physical movement can activate deep release. Indoors I throw clothes around the room, stuffed animals - things that won’t break – although sometimes anger wants to smash breakable things. Throwing old crockery against a wall when triggered could satisfy this urge. It’s important to intend to allow your sound to come up once your body is in motion (smashing, pillow-punching, stamping).

The moment of “impact” can be a great time to allow a short or long shout. If it comes naturally, let the emotion take over and become screaming, even if you’re scared about losing control. If judgments swim up that say you’ll never recover, make sure to release them when your sound dies back…during these times, judgments can be released more easily.

Even in more densely settled environments, it is possible to find safe places to express. Spending time in parked cars at the edges of empty parking lots with the windows rolled up even on hot days, slamming towels off the dashboard and hitting the steering wheel with open palms can work well in cities. This works when no other safe space is available. Once the sound starts to come forth, no matter what you have to do to get it going, it gets easier, and over time, subconscious, kneejerk control over expression in sound begins to loosen.

Our subconscious fear of repercussions for moving rage in sound has got a vice-grip on its organic expression. Focus on releasing judgments of what will happen to you or how you are (”bad”, say the internalized judgments) if you allow loud brash sound to come out when you are angry, and start expressing the fear inhibiting the rage. Fear can express in sound too, and it’s just as important as anger to allow in its pure expression - they have a symbiotic relationship and can often be holding one another back. Fear can express sometimes in keening wails, in teeth-chattering weird noises that vary in pitch, in short clipped barks (that often emerge from allowing teeth to chatter) to sudden yells of pure anguished terror.

Crying can come before or after anger or fear expression. Tears coming after release are golden, because they are only accessible once the rage/terror sitting on top of them shifts. These “underneath” tears connect you to your deepest denials and can bring the most profound healing. Sometimes, anger will express in tears as well, and that should be allowed also.

Habits and addictions are related, but they are not quite the same thing. Where an addiction is often a substitute activity for what we really need (love, light, vitality, emotional freedom), a habit is more of an umbrella concept that includes any addiction, any kind of daily routine or any patterned behaviour that regularly repeats without us contemplating whether it is right time in this moment to enact the habitual behaviour(s). They represent the memory of feeling good, though often they don’t reflect the same level of pleasure. Habit patterns can include strung-together activities such as making coffee first thing in the morning, followed by turning on the computer and checking email, followed by rolling and smoking a cigarette followed by a trip to the store. The majority of an entire day, weeks, or even years can transpire in similar chains of grooved activity. We’re on automatic pilot, and we aren’t checking in with ourselves. Gradually Body loses the will to live, since She is not being consulted in the moment about what She’d like to do right now, and illnesses begin to manifest.

Disciplining ourselves to change the habit without deep understanding of what was fueling it will likely only result in the habit changing form, say from being on the computer first thing every morning to exercise. The goal is not to replace an old habit with another habit that is deemed healthier, but to be able to listen to Body’s wisdom about what She wants to do in each moment. Sometimes when I’m entering a period of free time I will intentionally imagine several scenarios that I might engage in now, and then check in with my Body to see what we feel like doing the most, right now, be it what (or whether) to eat, or what to do. At my best, I might not allow my mind/spirit to imagine first, but simply invite Body’s wisdom to present me an unbidden picture of what She would like to engage in.

There are often emotions hidden beneath the habit that the routine has helped us avoid, that can only be entered into when we allow the habit to lapse in order to see what is running the routine. A crucial element in shifting the roots of habit patterns (without merely changing the form of the habit) is gaining understanding as to why we are engaging in the habitual behaviour, whatever it is, and often we need to clear emotional backlog hidden under the habit in order to truly get why we engage in the habit in the first place.

March 3^rd is Virgo Full Moon this year, and the full moon cycle of March 3-17 is an excellent time to engage a shift of habits, with the assistance of the transformative, healing, magical properties that are the hallmarks of positive Virgo energies.

The initial stage to transforming the effect of any old emotion within the self is acknowledging that it’s your emotion. We can easily become confused and say the trigger of the emotion is the owner of the emotion, or that we would never be feeling this emotion if it weren’t for them triggering it. We want to change their behavior so our fear can go back to the quiet slumber of denial that it was in before getting stirred to life. But if you’re feeling afraid, the fear is yours.

Acting outwardly in the world to quell the feelings of fear inside is acting out the emotions instead of feeling them. All that does is delay the resolution of the fear, which will draw another situation to be afraid about, another situation to trigger itself. In the long term, acting out emotions won’t resolve them.

A woman worries that her son will contract the prostate cancer that he is genetically predisposed to. She spends significant energy trying to manage his health by giving him information and pressuring him to see a doctor. Some may say this is purely mother love. It is, but this is also worry taking action that can be seen as a terror, deeply buried, of her own mortality. She subconsciously fears death. When we have subconscious feelings, it is standard practice to project them onto someone else close to us because we don’t always recognize that the feelings we’re having are really ultimately about us. The person being projected onto is the mirror for what we cannot easily see about ourselves.

We all fear death to one extent or other, even if we don’t consciously know it, because we have died many times before and we don’t want to experience those feelings of being snuffed out again. Parts of our beings, the emotional, physical parts, hold encoded memories of these deaths buried deeply in the subconscious. These are parts of us that aren’t spirit. These parts do not rise to “heaven” between lives, and these parts have and hold the memory and terror of death.

Projection is a hallmark of our misunderstanding about emotions. Only resolving emotions fully allows us to take personal responsibility for them in any kind of real, gut-level way. It’s nearly impossible to not project an unfelt, unacknowledged emotion. With experience it gets easier to know even in advance of expressing the charge of the emotion that it is really ours.

You can also ask your Higher Power, Spirit, Deeper Self, or whatever term suits you for the Divine to give you guidance in a form you can hear on how to deal with your feelings. This could be a “sign”, a dream, an inner voice or some other way that is just right for you. Remember to watch and listen for an “answer”, something you can recognize as help.

If after all this you are convinced that the fear is not yours, perhaps it isn’t. You could then ask Spirit to remove any fear that is not your own and put it where it belongs. If nothing changes, then you can rest assured the fear is yours, and it will require you to release its backed-up charge from having been denied for so long, in order to transmute it into love and trust.

One last suggestion, if none of the above works: try a therapy group that encourages emotionality. Go into it with an intent of resolving issues you normally project onto others, with a curiosity to discover what your strong feelings about others says about you. Shop around for a group that feels right to you; you are worth the effort. If you have a strong intent to change your emotional patterns then you’re likely to find the help you need.

Acknowledging, accepting, feeling and expressing fear in wordless sound or body movement is often extremely uncomfortable, especially at first. Expressing fear safely and with as much acceptance as you can give it actually relieves the pressured feeling inside that any growing, internalized fear bubbling to the surface gives us. That’s what expressing the fear can do for you.

Most people don’t even recognize that emotions are a part of the self, and a part that needs healing because of routine, lifetimes-long denial patterns. We can’t successfully cut off parts of ourselves, but that’s what we are attempting when we suppress. Emotions are a part of ourselves, and fear only feels bad because we have denied it for so long. Anything that gets routinely denied feels dark, monstrous, alien, and scary. Fear doesn’t feel nearly as bad to me as it used to because I don’t deny it nearly as much as I used to.

Before you feel it, the fear feels like a dragon in the closet; as you go into it and come out the other side, the dragon shrinks away, perhaps to a salamander. The judgment that comes up for everybody who considers expressing fear for the first time or first few times is, “If I dare feel or express this fear, what I’m afraid of will manifest”. My experience is that the opposite occurs – if I dare to release the fear by allowing its expression it doesn’t need to draw a reflection of itself in order to trigger it. It’s the denial of fear while focusing on mental pictures that attracts what we fear. Often if I can release the fear ahead of any event, the event either doesn’t happen or manifests much more benignly than I’d originally feared. In this context, “nothing to fear but the denial of fear itself” would be an accurate coining of the old maxim.

Worry is a more sublimated form of fear. It’s the tip of the iceberg of a terror held in the subconscious parts of our being. The continuum looks like this: worry->anxiety->fear->terror. They’re all forms of the same emotion, depending on how much of it is consciously felt in a given area. Fear is an emotion, but is not universally understood, recognized or acknowledged as an emotion, like anger or grief is.

Fear can be expressed in several ways; allowing the energy of it into your jaw to make your teeth chatter, allowing spontaneous weird sounds to emerge, or by crying. Private or safe space is best for emotional expression. Expressing fear means giving in to it, allowing it up into the throat, into the voice, and then abandoning control and letting it happen. I nearly always feel better after I release, with more understanding of the triggering situation than before I started. This understanding doesn’t always come immediately, or on the same day, but it does come.

I grew up hearing the phrase, “the less you do, the less you want to do”. It applies here; the less you are in touch with your emotions, the less you want to be. It takes a conscious willingness and intentional effort to go there. Like anything else, it gets easier the more you practice.

Most of us know what real depression looks and feels like. Even if we haven’t experienced a depressive period ourselves, we probably each know or have heard about somebody who has, and how they were during it. Depression is rife with a feeling that there is no way to get out from under, that nothing can work. It’s a time where we look at all of life through shit-coloured glasses. There’s no energy to do the things we like to do or have to do. The life force drained out, we vegetate, flatline, feel squashed and compressed. We can’t feel. We indulge in distractions and addictions of various kinds. We are uncomfortably numb.

The central theme of depression, if it could be described in one word, is hopelessness. It’s very uncomfortable for the loved ones of a depressed individual (DI) to be around him or her, and the kneejerk tendency is to help them lift out of it any way possible. They try to distract the DI from what ails them (should that even be evident), point out how so-and-so from Iraq has it worse so buck up, become an ad hoc salesperson for the latest miracle pharmaceutical or toss a few hope ropes in case the DI has the strength or ability to grab one and hoist themselves up.

Realistically, there’s nothing a friend of a DI can do that’s more effective than staying close by while the DI muddles through as best s/he can, ready to lend a helping hand when asked. For the DI, it’s a time to find as many mental judgments about his/her situation that can be found, and then formally release them out loud (e.g. “I release the judgment that I am never going to have the life I want,” etc). Sometimes doing this can trigger the tears, rages or freakouts that can dispel the heavy fog.

Whenever I am depressed, what also helps me find my way through is getting into my body. If I can walk a little, do some deep breathing, yoga, Somatics, anything to help me focus inward – it can enable me to get some sound expression happening, which always helps shift me when nothing is moving. It’s said that the less we do, the less we want to do, a vicious cycle. Inertia begets depression begets more inertia. Distraction and medication can be very short term solutions that in the end reveal themselves as circular train trips returning us to the very station we try to escape.

Hating or pressuring ourselves to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps doesn’t work either, it’s another circumnavigation. Sometimes nothing at all works. The best we can do is sit for awhile in the low vibration of hopelessness with what is happening or not happening, accepting ourselves as best we can for being in this place, trusting on the way to trust that this too shall pass.

We have trauma around revealing truth and not being believed; when we have given all we have to give and are met with mistrust and suspicion, it is a grave indicator that we contain large gaps of mistrust of ourselves being reflected by the person facing us. We have trauma around feeling too afraid to reveal key parts of the truth; this unprocessed fear generates its worst nightmare when somehow the withheld information is discovered and the other person responds with feelings of betrayal and hurt. Additionally, we have trauma around the guilt we feel when our truth triggers someone else into their hurt. This guilt within can look like punishment from without; on the personal scale we have been punished for lying, telling partial truths, and for telling the whole truth. On the global scale, withholding or even revealing the truth has resulted in torture, death or perpetuation of crimes against humanity.

The consequence of these seminal scenes in our pasts around giving our truth is that our behaviour can warp when faced with another opportunity to speak our truth to our friends, associates, bosses, families or lovers. Perhaps we find ourselves situated somewhere near the poles of the hiding/spilling continuum, on one end either withholding our truths nearly or totally completely, on the other revealing every low-level detail we can think of regardless of its appropriateness to the situation at hand. Neither polarity offers a balanced response.

Emotional and spiritual process can be vital ahead of time in order to get clear on where to land within this spectrum, and to more accurately align with our own inner sense of what feels right to reveal as opposed to “what we should say”. Judgments such as “they can’t handle the truth” are distorted evaluations predicated on past pain and experience. Releasing any judgments, predictions and projections out loud around what to say and how much or little is right to say can also be extremely helpful in the time prior to approaching someone with our truth.

The payoff of finding a balanced truth to give in each situation is the growth of trust: trust for self, trust for other, and trust for the truth itself. The cultivation of trust is, perhaps obviously, most intrinsically important in long-term relationships, where investing our deepest truth in each moment becomes paramount.

Without knowing how to give our truth, we cannot develop the trust we need in ourselves or in anybody else. Being in our deepest truth can grow with practice, becoming more facile with time and deeds. When we can be true to ourselves first and foremost, thoroughly honest with ourselves at all levels, it can radiate outward into all of our relationships.

The more unconscious that denial is for me, the more the experience it draws seems random and the more victimized I feel. Yet, it’s all “self chosen”. My emotional body is my Self as intrinsically as any other part of Self. The backlog of emotional denial I have has a direct effect on how consciously or subconsciously I manifest my reality. The feelings themselves want to directly express, not be hidden away. Expression is their natural state of being – being held quiet is not intrinsic to the nature of human emotions.

These experiences we draw that we cannot explain, we cannot explain because the reasons are buried in the subconscious, where old, denied emotions like rage, terror, and hurt live, apart from conscious awareness. We can only recover this awareness piece by piece by “vibrating” or allowing the trapped emotions to rise and show us, our conscious selves, our minds, what they have been holding and the reasons why. My experiences show me where I am denying, insofar as I don’t understand what they are showing me — they are “reflecting” to me, holding up a mirror, of what I am not currently seeing, as well as whatever portion of it I already do understand.

The entire reason for drawing the new experience is to trigger the held emotion and gain resulting awareness and understanding about why I had a similar, original experience way back in the beginning, in my very first incarnation as a manifested being. Once I gain the fullest, deepest understanding I can get on a particular issue, I no longer have to repeat the same kind of unpleasant experience and can finally move on to more pleasant, evolutionary experiences. I’ll only know for sure that “I’m done” with a given issue when similar types of experiences cease, or cease to trigger me.

Only when we can become fully conscious can we consciously create our lives the way we dream them to be. As long as we have most of magnetic selves trapped in the subconscious, the power to manifest in accordance with conscious desire remains latent. The mirror of our experiences and manifestations shows us unfailingly how far we have to go, and in what direction, if we can begin to learn to understand what they are saying about us, not “the other guy.”