A wonderful organization of wise and loving people in Northern California called the Human Awareness Institute taught me a formula for interpersonal manifestation that I am still working on fully implementing in my life since I first heard it over ten years ago. They outline three steps reflecting Mick Jagger’s punchline to this article’s title: trying sometimes gets what you need.

1) Ask for 100% of what you want, 100% of the time;

2) Be willing to hear ‘no’

3) Negotiate for a win-win.

   Still, in my exploration of this map to fulfillment, I’ve found there are steps that aren’t apparent amidst its surface simplicity.

         Step 0) Take the time to discover exactly what you want. Does the person you are approaching have what you really want? We’ve all got significant inherent power and magic to manifest, but we often manifest what we think we want that turns out to not be what we really wanted. We haven’t taken the time to get to know our desire of the moment. We feel an impulse arise, and then some other part of us instantly interprets what that is, and another part is off and running to get it. Whoa, Nelly!

          Step 0a) Beware of what you don’t want. How many times does our wish begin like this: “I don’t want…” This kind of negative wish can be made to someone else or simply to the universe. What we’re really saying is, “I fear this thing happening,”, which is powered by an underlying judgment, “If it happens it will be bad and I won’t like it.” Creating from unexamined or unprocessed fear and judgments that are underneath every “I don’t want” can give us what we fear. If we process the fear and release the judgments involved, we can discover what it is we’re really afraid of. Noticing that there’s always an “I want” behind the old “I don’t want”, and then asking for what we want can then put us back on track to manifesting positively and in accordance with true desire.

     Step 0b) Process as many feelings as possible around having what you want (e.g. worthiness issues, judgments against the possibility of success, fear of asking). A successful manifestation of truest desire has the greatest possibility of occurring if emotional triggers can be allowed and expressed ahead of time.

     Step 1a) Ask directly. Notice that it always feels better when you yourself are asked directly for something; there is no feeling of undercurrent expectations or subtle manipulation. Example of indirect approach: “I’ve been thinking I don’t want to go alone to the dance.” Direct: “Would you go to the dance with me?”

Step 1b) Find/process your rage, fear and hurt around the possibility of ‘no’. Fear of hearing ‘no’ can result in indirect asking, not asking, or asking for less than 100% of what you really want. This is a key in the original three-step formula. If you aren’t willing to hear ‘no’, it’s probably wrong time for asking at all, and more process time is required first.

Step 3a) Process feelings if a win-win cannot be found at the end of negotiation. If a win-win cannot be found, how can you get what you need? Feel the core of your need deeply, express all the feelings you can, then stay aware for new information from without or within. Find willingness to hang out in the uncertainty of unrequited desire, holding a line of faith that something will shift the situation toward getting your deepest needs met. “But if you cry sometimes/you might find…”