There is very little in the world that brings a parent’s triggers to the surface as quickly as the tears or loud, angry expressions of their child. Consider that much of what is seen to be your child’s emotional expression may not be theirs at all. It may be yours, the parent’s, refracted through the “lens” of your child’s emotional body.
When I was young my father was convinced that I was doing or saying certain things or expressing in certain ways deliberately, just to upset him. I never was, but whatever it was at those moments that I was expressing or enacting never failed to trigger him with pinpoint accuracy, as if I was doing it intentionally. None of this was conscious for me, because I was always shocked when he reacted that way. I was “just being a kid”; in other words, acting instinctively and impulsively most of the time. A certain dynamic was apparent; I was either acting out or expressing the very feelings he wanted to avoid.
Children are little emotional sponges, exponentially moreso than the most sensitive adult empath. Because of genetic and karmic linkups with the parents, they absorb, act out and reflect the very feelings we as parents have literally shoved out of ourselves, whether consciously or not, or recently or not. Imagine these denied feelings as splinters energetically entering the auric field of a psychically open child. Like physical splinters, these feelings must work their way out again, so that their rightful owners can experience and take responsibility for them in one way or another. Unfortunately it does not always work that way, as children are often controlled out of these natural expulsions and forced to continue to try to hold these feelings.
When emotions rightfully belong to the child, it is somewhat simpler. It still behooves the parents to teach appropriate expression of feelings, such as helping children re-member the difference between acting out and expressing safely in sound and body movements without hurting themselves or anything/anybody else (I say “remember” because children as babies and toddlers were naturally appropriate expressors before societal and subtle pressures caused their pure expression to warp into act-out behaviours). In these cases, if there aren’t generalized parental rules against expression, then compassion, guidance and allowance can enter and the child can offload safely and effectively. A parent can easily tell the difference as to whose emotions the child is expressing/acting out by whether s/he is triggered by their child’s display of them.
In a related article I outlined several keys for parents who are triggered by their child’s actions and expressions. The more completely a parent can take responsibility for the feelings that come up for them in response to their child’s feelings, especially if the parent can express these feelings him or herself shortly following the trigger, the more dramatically the child’s behaviour can shift. I watched this happen often with my own son – when he triggered me and I was able to express my response fully in my own emotional body, he would either no longer trigger me that way with similar future behaviour or would simply cease that behaviour. Pretty magical, yet simple when the dynamic is accepted and applied.
Emotional expression, reflections, and strong emotional triggers can be enormously complex and confusing, especially in the midst of an unfolding issue. I welcome questions, requests, feedback, and debate around any of the topics raised in these articles. With permission, confidential questions could be used as take-off points for future articles.